Get Wisdom

Proverbs 4:6-7

“Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you. The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.”

Wow! It’s been a little while so here is a quick update:

1. House is on the market. Need one?  We’ve got one we’d like to show ya!
2. July 1^st is a big day.  We get our housing assignment and financial aid information. 
3. We’ve been packing and packing and packing. Also, cleaning and giving stuff away. And selling stuff too!
4. Talking and gathering pearls of wisdom. See below

In my soon to be thirty years on this terrestrial ball, I have learned to listen and soak in the words and experiences of others.  Now, have I always applied what I’ve learned, no.  (ask my mother).  I was having a conversation with a priest yesterday about some minute detail of liturgy (because that’s who I am)  and he imparted some sage advice.  Soon after it got me to thinking, what else?  What other tidbits of advice is out there that we could pick up?  So far I’ve got:

One thing I have learned in 25 years as a priest is this. When your people experience your love for them, they will forget the rubrics and experience God in you. When they don’t experience your love, even the rubrics you know is right, will be wrong. At the end of the day after you become a priest, be present with people and care for people. Do not be lost in the details of rubrics. Everything else will work out itself.

Now it's your turn.  What else would you like us, seminarians, to know?

A hard lesson

Packing has commenced. House is being listed. Fundraising is in full swing. Yardsales are being planned. Everything is busy and I think this is why saying goodbye snuck up on me, on us, and has been the hardest part yet. About every other day Matthew and I have a story that involves the next and leaving something behind.

This is the part no one prepares you for.

It seems like yesterday we got our marching orders, find a seminary and visit. We did just that and in just a couple of months, we start our trek to Texas. Matthew and I both now have people in place to take over our jobs that we are leaving and they've been trained. We've started to let go of some of our responsibilities around St. Mark's, slowly moving out of ministries that we have been integral in for so long. In some ways a slow letting go, I think, is more traumatic and jarring than an abrupt end. Yes, it allows you to say a proper goodbye and transition things that need that kind of care, but it allows you to linger, to realize what is happening.

At first, I thought, this is rough and uneasy, almost hurtful but then I realized that leaning into this moment of letting go is beautiful. It hurts and it's scary but in letting go, you get to fall into something else. Our jobs will be fine, St. Mark's, too. Our friends and family will continue to live their lives. No one tells you that learning to let go of things is necessary, but it is.

Technology is fantastic for it allows us to set up a countdown clock to our move. Currently, it has us at two months and twenty-three days. Almost three months left to let things go.

Winnie-the-Pooh said it best when he quipped, “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” Us, too, Winne. Us, too.

Shameless Fundraiser Plug:
Would you mind looking at our video and consider giving?  Or possibly share our campaign on Facebook?

https://www.gofundme.com/agre8y-seminary&rcid=r01-155622431019-a3137f400cef4db9&pc=ot_co_campmgmt_w 

The Commission

So who are you?

Happy Easter!  We made it through lent and here we are.  It's been a couple of weeks since I posted, but here is the next edition to the series of "How did we get here?!?"

In the Arkansas diocese, one of the last things that happen before postulancy is granted is a meeting with the Commission on Ministry.  This commission is comprised of both lay and clergy and they are tasked with interviewing potential candidates for Holy Orders. For me, most of them I knew of but did not know personally so it was slightly unnerving. What would they ask? How would I respond? I spent weeks going over in my head things I thought they might want to know or they might ask.  However, if I have learned anything during this process is that you should always expect the unexpected.  You never know where the Holy Spirit is going to lead.

I had a fantastic group with me that day that included my husband, my current priest and the priest that I had worked with for the past two years.  Even though I was surrounded by my group, I was still nervous.

Who are you?  That's what they wanted to know.  We talked about my call, my marriage and my experience at St. Mark's.  It was a really straight forward conversation, no trick questions.  Everyone there was there because they cared about me and the Church.  It didn't feel antagonistic or like an interrogation.

My advice is this:
1. You probably will feel nervous.  Embrace it.
2. Don't be afraid of saying I don't know or I hadn't thought about that.  I did a couple of times and followed up with a quick "this is my knee jerk reaction" response.
3. Be open and honest.

Next week seminary preparation!


Shameless Fundraiser Plug:
Would you mind looking at our video and consider giving?  Or possibly share our campaign on Facebook?

https://www.gofundme.com/agre8y-seminary&rcid=r01-155622431019-a3137f400cef4db9&pc=ot_co_campmgmt_w 

Silence

Silence

It is often said that God speaks in silence.  Not a crashing voice, neon sign or by any other conventional means, but absence. I've often been asked, "How did you make it through such a long process?".  The answer: silence.

The discernment process, whether it was designed to do this or not, will instill patience.  It will instill the ability to live in the grey and become friends with it.

I alluded to in the previous post how at the end of my committee's final decision, I took a year off to figure out our relationship.  This was the longest year of my life.  Figuring out who I was, who I was in regards to our relationship and how this all tied into the discernment process.  Matthew and I eventually worked through our relationship issues and came out for the better.

The point of me sharing this is: discernment, like life, is usually messy.  Very few will experience a clean discernment process where something traumatic does not happen.  I often times felt alone and uncomfortable with dealing with the silence, the in between, the uncertainty.  Eventually, you become accustomed to it and you give way.  I didn't fully realize the way this silent period of my discernment process would affect me until my priest gave me insight.  What I didn't realize was that through Matthew and I reconciling our issues and building back our relationship, we were living exactly what I was called preach and live; forgiveness, grace, and reconciliation.

If you find yourself "stuck" look around, what seems like silence might actually be God moving you closer to your call.




Shameless plug for seminary fundraising:
Please check out our video and consider giving or sharing!

GoFundMe Link:
https://www.gofundme.com/agre8y-seminary&rcid=r01-155449663577-8df336d9237c456e&pc=ot_co_campmgmt_w 

Wait...How did we get here? Part III

Broccoli Cheddar Soup

Panera.  I love, well loved, their broccoli cheddar soup.  It seems as if they have changed their recipe in the last few months and it is lackluster, but I digress.  That's what I was eating when Susie and I sat down to come up with a list.  We are now to the part where we needed to put together a group of people who might serve on a committee.  My committee.  A discernment committee. Things were getting real. I received a lot of advice from a few people on who should be on the dais. I'll list below the most helpful:

1. Look for people who love you enough to tell you the truth. You don't want people who will gloss over issues or questions. They have to care enough about you to give it to you straight and you have to be prepared for this.  
2. Go diverse.  The more voices you have speaking truth to you the better off they are. Gay, straight, black, white, people who serve, people who attend, old, young and everything in between.  
3. Pick a couple of people who are not afraid to ask the tough questions.  This might naturally happen but these people will be invaluable.  They are going to be the ones who want to ask the questions that no one else does and you need that. 

So taking the above advice, that is exactly what we did.  The group that we asked to serve was AMAZING.  They didn't shy away from the tough questions and didn't hold back.  That's exactly what, I think, one needs in this scenario.  My priest at the time, Fr. Jesse, said, "You want to do the hard work now. Because when times start to get rough in seminary or after and you start to question yourself and your call, you can look back and see that work is already done."  Best advice ever.  I found that this was a rough time for me.  I felt vulnerable and uneasy about a lot of the questions.  If you feel this way, good.  Don't shy away from that feeling, embrace it and love it.  It's hard, but it's a good place to be.

My committee met for about six months and put together a really good snapshot of who I was.  The Diocese of Arkansas has put together a great program for discernment committees that you can find below.

http://episcopalarkansas.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/DiscernmentCommitteeOrientation.pdf

However, discernment isn't just about the committee getting together and talking through your responses to some questions, this is a great time to become even more active in the church.  Here are some things that helped me:

1. Find a way to serve every single Sunday.  Does your parish have vergers?  Become one.  What about Eucharistic Ministers?   Train up and become licensed.  Eucharistic Visitor?  Yup, that too.  Choir?  Sing until your little heart can't sing anymore.  Don't limit yourself to just one thing, do it all.  You'd be surprised how helpful it will be later.  
2. Meet regularly with your priest.  I was in a weird scenario where our rector received another call and we had a curate for two years.  The priest I started with is not the priest I'll end with.  Meet with them regularly.  Talk and ask questions. I often found that others could see God working where I couldn't. 
3. Don't have expectations.  THIS WAS HARD. The Holy Spirit will work on its own time, not yours and I found that out the hard way.  Having the committee confirm your call should be the last thing they do.  Go through the process with no expectations about the end result.  

Life will always happen during a discernment process.  For most people going six or eight months without something, major happening in one's life is rare.  For me, it was relationship issues.  There were a lot of things happening during this time, between work, family, and discernment it caught up with us. I'd say if you are in a relationship be prepared to talk these things through with your partner.  It's not only a change for you but for them, too.   After the committee finished their work I took a year off before moving forward to the next step.  All of that is o.k.  My Bishop was super understanding and was supportive during the entire process.


Next week...Silence.

Wait...How did we get here? Part II

The Process

It really isn't a secret how one becomes a priest in the Episcopal church.  They aren't whisked away from public life, molded and shaped and sent back out to do the work of God.  Discernment is an open process; never meant to be private. Each diocese has a little bit of a different process, but I will share with you what the Diocese of Arkansas does.

1. Aspirant- This is where we all start.  We aspire to one day be a priest or a deacon.  This is where the discernment of a call begins.  Last week and this week I will focus much of my posting about this part.  Conversations are countless, you convene and are convened by committees and one will do so much soul searching during this time that when it is all said and done, you will know more about yourself than you ever thought possible. This part is so important.  This is where tough questions are asked and searched and asked again.  This is where most of the hard work will be completed. 
2. Postulant-After all of the above is completed, then you apply to become a postulant.  For Arkansas, postulancy is granted by the Bishop after he or she reviews your entire discernment process feedback. Once granted, then comes the really fun part: education.  Here the Bishop will discuss with you the different options available and what he or she thinks would be best.  Once this is decided on, the postulant visits and applies at a seminary or enrolls into the IONA program if they are bi-vocational.  Once accepted you begin your formation.  During this time you are still in discernment and you will continue to meet with the Commission on Ministry. 
3. Candidacy- Towards the end of your education postulants apply for candidacy for Holy Orders for decan.  According to the cannons of the church, you first must be ordained a deacon before being ordained as a priest.  
4. Ordination- Like I stated above, first a deacon and then a priest. This is where the rubber meets the road.  You've discerned, you've studied and now you go into the world as an exemplar of grace.  

Now, all of this may look simple, but it isn't. There are so many steps that I've glossed over and left out.  To be honest, I once thought the process was cumbersome and a little much, but as time has gone on, I have learned that this process helps to ensure that people are actually called to ministry.  It helps build patience and helps you seek and hold on to the same grace that each of us is called to show. 

You can visit the link below to see more details about Arkansas' process.

https://episcopalarkansas.org/ordination/ 

The Talk
Now back to where we were. In the last post, I discussed my early discernment with my parish priest and now we come to the big talk, the talk that most who go through this process dreads.

The day had come for Fr. Jesse and me to take a trip to the diocesan office in Little Rock.  I'm not going to lie, I was scared.  Scared of the unknown and scared about meeting the Bishop.  Going through this process leaves you in a vulnerable place already but then having to go see the man or the woman in the miter just adds to the anxiety.  You have no idea what they are going to ask, even though your priest might go over some of the things that could be covered.  The trip to Little Rock is about two hours long.  We chatted all the way down there talking about life, parish activities and where things could be improved.  We finally arrived at the office and went in.  Immediately we were called into the Bishop's office. I don't know what I was expecting when I walked in; maybe a swinging light? Maybe a rapid-fire line of questions? A high bench as if the Bishop was a judge and I on trial? Whatever it was that I had built up in my head, it was the opposite. We sat down and the conversation began.  After a few minutes, my anxiety started to settle down and I stopped feeling like I was going to pass out.  We wrapped up the questions and discussion with next steps.  The Bishop gave permission to form a discernment committee to continue the discovery process of a possible call. 

With a sigh of relief that this part was over, we left and went for pizza.  I should say this: a talk with your Bishop is not meant to be like an interrogation.  They truly want to discover who you are and help you answer these mystical questions about that nagging feeling.  It's hard sometimes to remember that they too were once in the same position and understand how you might be feeling. 


Next week....People Who Love You Enough to Tell You the Truth

Wait....how did we get here? Part I

Discernment

That's how we got here.  Many have asked over the past few weeks how does one become a priest in the Episcopal church? Well, that is a superb question.  I want to walk you through my journey.  Everyone who goes through this discernment process experiences something different.  There are base rules, but each diocese may have a process that looks a little different, all trying to answer this question, "what is this person called to do?".  So buckle in and come along the with me down discernment drive.

Leave me alone!

It's weird.  It's nagging.  You can't satisfy it any other way.  You try running away from it, but it follows you.  It pulls you in closer to the sacraments and to the liturgy.  It won't leave you alone even though you scream for it to loosen its grip; it's constant grip.  So what is it?  At this point most aren't sure, some are sure and some are sure, but don't want to be.  I was the latter.  Over ten years of fighting with myself, a former faith tradition and God, it became unbearable.

Who, what, when, where and why

I asked questions.  Not of my priest at the parish Matthew and I attend, Father Jesse, but a priest someone introduced us to, Father Michael.  Questions around what seminary did he go to.  How does it all work in the Episcopal church, you know, becoming a priest? He gave me his story and told me to talk with Fr. Jesse.  Well, that's easier said than done.  Scared, confused, unsure and did I mention scared; that's what was playing through my mind.  Fr. Jesse was great and started me off on the path of discernment by reading Living on the Border of the Holy: Renewing the Priesthood of All.  I'll be honest, I hated the book.  The author had superb points, but he took three trips around the Sun to get there.  He needed to land the plan.  During this time I had some theological questions, and he referred me to a textbook titled, Introduction to Theology by Owen Thomas and Ellen Wondra and there I found what I was looking for.  It lays out what the priesthood is, the theology behind ministry and ordination.  Altogether it was one trip around the Sun and we landed.  Fr. Jesse and I met a few times over the course of a few months, talking through the books and how I was feeling.  He was open, honest and didn't shy away from asking tough questions.  It was uncomfortable in the beginning but looking back now; I am glad he and soon others did.  Finally, at the end of one session, he asked, "So, you ready to go see the Bishop?".  Why in the world would anyone answer yes to that question is beyond me. He followed it up with, "I think you are ready." Was I ready?  I'm not sure anyone ever is and it isn't because one goes to see the Bishop, but because you know you are now walking and not crawling down this holy path. Within a week we had a date scheduled.

Next week...Part II-There is a process and The Talk

Happy Friday Eve!

How Southwest Holds Hands and Prays

Part of a solid formation is how a seminary holds hands and prays.  When Matthew and I were there we were amazed at the number of opportunities there were to do just that.  Worship is central to one's spiritual life on top of formation. The seminary utilizes Rite I, Rite II and EOW resources, switching them throughout the year. They even hold liturgies that are bilingual, utilizing Spanish resources! Below is a normal week's worth of worship looks like.

Weekly Chapel Schedule

Monday
9:30 a.m. – Morning Prayer
11:45 a.m. – Holy Eucharist and weekly assembly
5:00 p.m. – Evening Prayer

Tuesday
9:30 a.m. – Morning Prayer
11:45 a.m. – Holy Eucharist (Spanish language service)
5:00 p.m. – Evening Prayer (Evensong)

Wednesday
9:30 a.m. – Choral Morning Prayer
11:45 a.m. – Holy Eucharist
5:00 p.m. – Evening Prayer (Spanish language service)

Thursday
9:30 a.m. – Morning Prayer
11:45 a.m. – Noonday Prayer
5:30 p.m. – Holy Eucharist with an Order of Worship for Evening

Friday
9:30 a.m. – Morning Prayer
11:45 a.m. – Holy Eucharist
5:00 p.m. – Evening Prayer

On top of this, from time to time students will organize special services that are not normally celebrated. Those include services from the Book of Occasional Services, Lesser Feasts and Fasts, and others. Take a look at the Seminary page on worship life there. You can even take a virtual tour of Christ Chapel!

https://ssw.edu/southwest-and-you/worship/ 

What's up Wednesday?!

Beauty in the Middle of Austin

As many of you are getting your ashes on, here is some fun facts about the Seminary oak that's on campus. This is from the Seminary's website:

It may be the oldest oak in Austin after the more well-known Treaty Oak. The Rather Family sited their 1910 house on a hill overlooking the University and the Capitol. They loved the trees and shrubs which covered the whole area and sought to maintain the natural beauty of the place (Catherine M. O’Connor, A Cultural Landscape Report for The Episcopal Seminary of the Southwest, 2010). The grove of live oaks was the distinctive feature the landscape at the beginning of the twentieth century and it remains iconic for Seminary of the Southwest. As one student with an extensive background in arboriculture quipped to me in around 2000, “there are worse reasons to choose a seminary than the trees.” For those who have offices in Rather House, its massive graceful branches are a constant presence. For a year or so every day around five o clock an unidentified person would sit under the tree and play a drum haunting the campus with its steady rhythm. There were diverse opinions about how much the music was enjoyed, but our guest made his offering there without interference. One night each May to mark the graduation of the seniors and their children, seminary families pitch pup tents around its base and spend the night together there. I climbed it once, but I won’t tell that story here. Ask me! Come and sit in its shade – it’s the tree just outside of Rather House between the lower parking lot and the steps up to the house.

CYNTHIA BRIGGS KITTREDGE

President and Dean

Seminary of the Southwest

Trivia Tuesday

Living Out One's Mission

Seminary of the Southwest is in a fantastic position for its students to live out and into their calling and formation.  They are right in the center of Austin, which affords them a unique offering of:

• Episcopal Church-Field education is important.  This is where the rubber meets the road and priests to take their theoretical knowledge and apply it.  They work closely with a priest in their assigned parish becoming part of that parish family; living, breathing and working alongside everyone there.  There are at least fourteen parishes nearby that seminarians can be placed. 
• The Border-Students have the opportunity to minister and engage individuals that are migrating to the United States at the Mexico border.  This allows those who attend to not only to engage and meet the needs of those at the border but offers real-life experience in social reform and justice.  Experience is the best teacher. 

Here is a link of one MDiv student's experience with Encuentro

https://ssw.edu/blog/encuentro-encounter-on-the-borderlands-of-texas/ 

• Hospitals-Yesterday it was mentioned that Southwest has a chaplaincy program and that one of the verticals that one can specialize in is healthcare.  There are hospitals all over the city and several allow the seminary to send its students for CPE, clinical pastoral education. 
• Austin-Austin within itself is buzzing with excitement and is home to a diverse population.  Students can engage in social justice reform, ecumenical activities and so much more. The best part is it is all within reach. 

Minute Monday!

As promised, I wanted to share with you some quick facts about the Seminary of the Southwest. So come along with me on a journey through the past!

Filling the Need
The 1950s were booming for the Episcopal church.  Growth was exponential and seminaries couldn't keep up.  In order to fulfill that need, Bishop coadjutor John Hines decided a seminary in Texas would be a perfect solution.  In 1951 the seminary received its charter from the state and the following year was recognized by the diocese as an institution.

Southwest has always had a history of adjusting to what the church is in need of.

• 1970s-Hispanic studies became a part of life at the seminary.  This was to effectively bring up clergy to minister to the Hispanic population of the church.  Later in the decade women ordinations were approved by the church and the seminary opened their doors to women seeking the formation

             fun fact-the first woman to graduate and be ordained from the seminary was Rev. Susan Buell, 1978

• 1980s-Lay formation came into focus and at this time a revised curriculum was created and approved; adapting to the needs of the church after prayer book revision. 
• 2000s-The seminary has expanded beyond just ordained and non-ordained formation.  They created programs for mental health and counseling.  This program has been recognized as one of the best in the state.  Out of this expansion, the seminary has expanded programs for chaplains; healthcare, school, and military.  All to fulfill the need of the church.

Stay tuned for tomorrows Trivia Tuesday!

Putting form in formation!

O.k. maybe it's more like putting forms in formation but you get the picture. I have officially submitted the paperwork for admission to the Seminary of the Southwest! Now the wait. However, over the next week I  want to share with you fun facts about SSW. After all, you all are our family and we want you to come along, at least digitally, with us.

Stay tuned!

Pearls?

"Don’t give that which is holy to the dogs, neither throw

your pearls before the pigs, lest perhaps they trample

them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces."

-Matthew 7:6

I could go about a thousand different ways with this verse but every way I look at it I am left wondering one thing: what are the pearls?  What are these holy things? That's the theme of this blog. Over the next three years Matthew and I will embark on a journey that provides an opportunity to answer this question in ways unimaginable.  We both are excited, nervous and anxious to see how God leads us on this journey.

This past week we were invited to take a trip to Austin, Texas and gain a glimpse into seminary life at the Seminary of the Southwest.  We were welcomed like long lost cousins who hadn't been around in a while but everyone was happy to see them.  We both knew by mid-Monday morning that we were in the middle of something special.  Even though it was a campus visit and there were four of us that were trying to find a home for our formation, everyone from students to faculty were authentic.  They talked about their common life, expressing the positive and the challenges.  

I had the privilege of sitting on three classes while we were there and immediately knew that they weren't just about equipping you with random factoids and useless platitudes, but made real effort to connect what was being taught to real life. I walked away hungry for more.

Worship life while we were there was thoughtful and deep.  We had the opportunity to pray morning prayer, evening prayer and celebrate Holy Eucharist.  Some in English and some in Spanish.  Southwest likes to expose those who worship there to every liturgical possibility that they can.  Rite one, Rite two and even the Enriching our Worship resources, they bring it all out. They even had incense and chanted the Eucharistic prayer. :) 

We met so many wonderful people who amazed Matthew and I.  Their stories encouraged us that we weren't alone in this process and that others too have felt the same mix of emotions that we are.  We even had a chance to connect with some fellow Arkansans, Caden and Jennifer.  Caden is in his junior year.

Below are some pictures from our visit.  Over the next couple of weeks we will be finalizing the admission process to see if Southwest will have us as part of their community. Pray that God will provide clarity for both us and the seminary as we discern and work through next steps. 

The Open Garden Area

The Cross-Instead of having a crucifix inside on or behind the altar, Southwest has a large cross sculpture that can be seen through the chapel window.  This is a reminder that we are called to be the church outside of the building.

Christ Chapel- When the building was constructed they wanted a space that could be fluid, thus no fixed altar.  The furniture in the chapel is moved around throughout the year, season to season.  It is a great opportunity to see what one can do with space.  The large stone wall, we were told, was an effort to mimic the Western Wall in Jerusalem.  

Cafeteria and Auditorium