Wait...How did we get here? Part III

Broccoli Cheddar Soup

Panera.  I love, well loved, their broccoli cheddar soup.  It seems as if they have changed their recipe in the last few months and it is lackluster, but I digress.  That's what I was eating when Susie and I sat down to come up with a list.  We are now to the part where we needed to put together a group of people who might serve on a committee.  My committee.  A discernment committee. Things were getting real. I received a lot of advice from a few people on who should be on the dais. I'll list below the most helpful:

1. Look for people who love you enough to tell you the truth. You don't want people who will gloss over issues or questions. They have to care enough about you to give it to you straight and you have to be prepared for this.  
2. Go diverse.  The more voices you have speaking truth to you the better off they are. Gay, straight, black, white, people who serve, people who attend, old, young and everything in between.  
3. Pick a couple of people who are not afraid to ask the tough questions.  This might naturally happen but these people will be invaluable.  They are going to be the ones who want to ask the questions that no one else does and you need that. 

So taking the above advice, that is exactly what we did.  The group that we asked to serve was AMAZING.  They didn't shy away from the tough questions and didn't hold back.  That's exactly what, I think, one needs in this scenario.  My priest at the time, Fr. Jesse, said, "You want to do the hard work now. Because when times start to get rough in seminary or after and you start to question yourself and your call, you can look back and see that work is already done."  Best advice ever.  I found that this was a rough time for me.  I felt vulnerable and uneasy about a lot of the questions.  If you feel this way, good.  Don't shy away from that feeling, embrace it and love it.  It's hard, but it's a good place to be.

My committee met for about six months and put together a really good snapshot of who I was.  The Diocese of Arkansas has put together a great program for discernment committees that you can find below.

http://episcopalarkansas.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/DiscernmentCommitteeOrientation.pdf

However, discernment isn't just about the committee getting together and talking through your responses to some questions, this is a great time to become even more active in the church.  Here are some things that helped me:

1. Find a way to serve every single Sunday.  Does your parish have vergers?  Become one.  What about Eucharistic Ministers?   Train up and become licensed.  Eucharistic Visitor?  Yup, that too.  Choir?  Sing until your little heart can't sing anymore.  Don't limit yourself to just one thing, do it all.  You'd be surprised how helpful it will be later.  
2. Meet regularly with your priest.  I was in a weird scenario where our rector received another call and we had a curate for two years.  The priest I started with is not the priest I'll end with.  Meet with them regularly.  Talk and ask questions. I often found that others could see God working where I couldn't. 
3. Don't have expectations.  THIS WAS HARD. The Holy Spirit will work on its own time, not yours and I found that out the hard way.  Having the committee confirm your call should be the last thing they do.  Go through the process with no expectations about the end result.  

Life will always happen during a discernment process.  For most people going six or eight months without something, major happening in one's life is rare.  For me, it was relationship issues.  There were a lot of things happening during this time, between work, family, and discernment it caught up with us. I'd say if you are in a relationship be prepared to talk these things through with your partner.  It's not only a change for you but for them, too.   After the committee finished their work I took a year off before moving forward to the next step.  All of that is o.k.  My Bishop was super understanding and was supportive during the entire process.


Next week...Silence.